My Life Lately

Cousins

2008-09-15T18:14:00.001-05:00

Dad's Day

2008-06-15T15:44:00.005-05:00

This Father's Day has new meaning for me, because Jason is now a dad. The past few Father's Days have been especially hard for me, but now I can focus on celebrating Jason's new role as a father. You're an amazing dad, J! Love ya! :)

... I miss you dad! You would have been an awesome grandpa ...

LJ

2008-05-29T12:15:00.002-05:00

I love this guy ...

Taking Advantage

2008-05-13T08:12:00.003-05:00

Jason and I have off this week in preparation for the baby, so we went to the Domes during free admission yesterday. Here are a couple of the many pictures we took (with our new digital camera - also bought in preparation for the baby :))

Changes

2008-05-13T08:08:00.002-05:00

Lots of changes coming our way in the next couple months. It seems like change comes in clusters, at least for us :) Rarely does just one thing happen without one or two other fairly major changes as well. When Jason got his first paid full-time ministry position, not only was it a new job adjustment - it was also moving halfway across the country to California and weeks later dealing with my dad's death back in Wisconsin. Now J has a new job and a new baby just around the corner! Which will most likely also be accompanied by a new house, although this time in the same general vicinity. I'm excited about every change, but naturally anxious to see how it'll all fall into place. And right now, with inducement one day away, I'm pretty darn scared too!

Baby Hiccups

2008-03-31T20:38:00.000-05:00

I do believe our baby just had a case of the hiccups in the womb :)

Baby Bump

2008-03-18T22:00:00.002-05:00

It's really amazing to look down at your belly and see something moving beneath the surface. No doubt about it, that baby is alive! To feel it moving and kicking is amazing too. A bit annoying when you're trying to get some sleep, but hey - a miracle nonetheless :) I'm truly excited to meet this little guy!!!

Demotivators

2008-03-15T08:08:00.002-05:00

Despair.com has some funny ones ... just came across this one and it made me smile.

"Sacrifice: Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you."

Baby Stuff!

2008-01-13T14:41:00.000-06:00

We began a baby registry today. Holy cow is it ever overwhelming to walk down those aisles and have no idea what all you need, what kind of bottles, what size diapers, how many bibs, what brand of car seat, how expensive of a baby thermometer, and oh my goodness do I really have to use scissors on his fingernails? I thought we were really going to town, but then we had to leave so we printed out our registry to review and it was only 3 pages. Huh.

Then we got home and thought of a million other things we would still need. Guess this is going to be a multiple-visit affair. Which is good, because things go on clearance and are out of stock so quickly that by the time people actually start shopping for our little guy, half the stuff might not even be available anymore. Besides, we were planning to save some stuff to register at another store anyway ... I just didn't realize there'd be SO much stuff ... it seems the littler the baby, the bigger and more expensive the stuff!

And yet ... I can't wait :)

In The News ...

2008-01-01T12:20:00.000-06:00

When I look at the Yahoo News page these days, it's really depressing.

• Kenya church fire kills 50 who fled mob violence
• Suicide bomber kills 32 people attending a Baghdad funeral
• Drunk driver kills woman and four kids, Ohio police say

And yet I wonder, what would the Yahoo News page have looked like in biblical times? Or when my parents were my age? Would some of the headlines be somewhat similar all throughout history? Is the world going "downhill" or is the media just more comprehensive and pervasive than it's ever been?

If I were a high school history teacher, or even a journalism or computer teacher, I think one of my assignments would be for the students to create an internet news site for a specific period in history. Fun and educational all wrapped into one :)

Random Thoughts

2007-12-23T00:21:00.001-06:00

I hate 4-way stop signs.

I'm sick of Christmas music.

I don't understand half of the applications I've downloaded on Facebook.

I'm tired a lot.

I love massages.

Cleaning the house should be a sport.

I wish my car would never run out of gas.

I'm finally starting to "show" in my pregnancy.

We're having a boy!

I love the sound of rain.

I like looking at my wedding ring.

I can't wait to hold my baby.

personality!

2007-12-21T15:42:00.001-06:00

I took the test Brandon and Jason took too (I'm such a copy cat :)). I'm not posting all the specifics, but here is a summary. I agree with a lot of it, but would NOT consider myself decisive!!!

INTJ - The "Strategist"

INTJs are introspective, analytical, determined persons with natural leadership ability. Being reserved, they prefer to stay in the background while leading. Strategic, knowledgable and adaptable, INTJs are talented in bringing ideas from conception to reality. They expect perfection from themselves as well as others and are comfortable with the leadership of another so long as they are competent. INTJs can also be described as decisive, open-minded, self-confident, attentive, theoretical and pragmatic.

Food and Pregnancy

2007-11-22T13:36:00.000-06:00

This whole pregnancy thing has really thrown my tastebuds out of whack. I used to LOVE desserts and crave sweets. I didn't understand when someone said, "This is too rich for me" because in my mind there was no such thing! But now ... I have no desire for dessert! I had ice cream the other day and couldn't finish my bowl. I had a Krispy Kreme at work last week and was grossed out by how sweet it was. Those who know me know that is SO not me.

Being pregnant means I'm hungry all the time and I even have the perfect excuse to pig out ... but nothing ever sounds good! I'll take a pickles-and-chocolate craving any day over never feeling like eating anything. The main things I eat lately are baked potatoes with sour cream, rice, cereal, and apples. Talk about boring (and not Adkins friendly :)) I was really looking forward to being pregnant - in addition to the joy it would bring, I figured I could eat whatever the heck I wanted, right? Who knew. Hopefully it will pass, because I really do need to eat more variety for the health of the baby. I think I just need to be a smarter grocery shopper - Jason and I don't eat dinner together a lot because of our schedules, so I'm used to "quick meals" which just aren't doing the trick anymore.

Anyway, enough about that. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Here's hoping I can eat turkey and stuffing and all the fixins' without incident :)

Job Envy

2007-10-21T15:46:00.000-05:00

Whenever I see someone out in public who is wearing scrubs, presumably a nurse on their way to or from work, I get a slight feeling of jealousy. Not that I want to be a nurse (I don't think I'd fare very well in that environment). But generally speaking, you don't just accidentally fall into the nursing field. You have to decide that's what you want to do, pursue your nursing degree, and follow through on getting a job in that industry. It's not by mistake or luck or timing that a hospital hires you to be a nurse - it's because you had the desire, education and skill to do it. Chances are if you've become a nurse, it's because you've achieved a career goal you set at one point or another. And I get a little bit jealous of people who knew what they wanted to do and set out to accomplish just that. I imagine it's pretty fulfilling to be in that spot.

Not that I'm especially unfulfilled by my job, but it's not like it's this ultra rewarding, just-what-I've-always-wanted-to-do type position. I wonder if there is such a position for me, and yet at times I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I'm using the skills I have and being recognized for it. I enjoy the people I work with for the most part. My company has plenty of growth opportunities. And the hours are regular enough that I should even see my future kids on a fairly regular basis. So there really is no conclusion or epiphany to this post except to say that most likely in my case, I will never be 100% satisfied or feel like I'm fulfilling some deep purpose in my life. But as long as I keep my perspective on things, I know I have a pretty fulfilling life overall.

Memory Lane

2007-10-01T20:34:00.001-05:00

I joined Facebook a while ago and I recently found the group for alumni of my old elementary school. I scanned through the members to find several "kids" I used to babysit for. And now they're all grown up! As in, high school grads in college or even graduated from college. Talk about feeling old! And besides that, in my mind they are too young and innocent to be making adult decisions that I know they're making.

It's also pretty amazing to see how they turned out. In most cases, they totally look like they did when they were five or ten, except more mature. It's so weird. Kind of nestalgic to think about, actually. I wonder if our kids will have innocent memories of childhood like I do. I'm sure they will, but sometimes with the media and "kids these days," you have to wonder and worry just a bit ...

Jury Duty, take 3

2007-09-17T21:12:00.001-05:00

I was on a case for jury duty last week and it was very unsettling for me. I actually thought the guy was guilty, and yet due to "reasonable doubt" we had to find him not guilty. I feel bad for the victims who will never see justice done to the guy who tried to rob them. I feel bad for the defendant who probably thinks he can get away with anything now. But how can you put someone away when it's not black and white? Better to potentially let a guilty man go free than put an innocent man in jail, I suppose. Tough call.

Anyway, the whole jury duty process is pretty interesting and unique. So far, I've been on a jury that found the defendant guilty (for a drug case in California), not guilty (2 robberies in Milwaukee), and a hung jury (a guy robbed a gas station but one juror would not find him guilty while the rest of us were sure he was). There's a lot of sitting around though, and you actually get tired just sitting and listening. Here's hoping I don't get summoned again exactly four years from now, because I'm sure I will with my luck ...

Talk About A Bad Lunch Hour

2007-09-10T17:33:00.000-05:00

I was at jury duty today (When I was originally called a few months ago, I delayed it until now), and here is how my lunch hour went ...

I didn't realize they didn't take credit cards until I was in the cafeteria, and I only had $2 in my purse, which meant I was best off having the salad bar and just not filling up the container all the way. While grabbing the dressing bottles, my hands got covered in dressing (they're these tall tubes beneath the glass buffet cover, so you have to maneuver oddly to grab them, plus we had a late lunch so lots of people had had a chance to get them all messy by then). After pouring on my salad, I noticed I somehow got french dressing all over my sleeve. Great. So I grabbed a napkin and an ice cube from a cooler of sodas in an attempt to clean the spot. Meanwhile, I dropped my salad container on the ground, spilling luckily only a small portion of the contents. So I put the salad container down on top of the book I'd brought and grabbed some more napkins to clean up the floor. There was no garbage that side of the registers, so I held onto my trash and noticed that the bottom of the salad container had leaked dressing on my book. Great. So I paid, threw away my garbage, and chowed down my $1 worth of salad (so filling), then went back up to the jury room where I got a free soda. But wouldn't you know, I screwed off the cap and soda came spilling out everywhere. The lady at the reception desk said, "Can you please clear the hallway? We're calling jurors for a trial." I'm like, "Yeah, but I sort of spilled soda all over the floor. Got a napkin?"

So all in all, it was almost my most embarrassing moment since ... oh ... jr. high or so. I'm sure none of it was as bad as I made it out to be - I actually wasn't nearly as embarrassed as I could've been. But I'm glad this day is over. Here's hoping tomorrow goes a bit smoother!

Work ... What else? :)

2007-09-04T18:49:00.000-05:00

I'm in a vicious cycle. I work overtime at work to catch up and get ahead (today I was the last person to leave the office, and I didn't even finish what I'd set out to do today ... what's up with that?) Anyway, it seems like because people notice that I get things done, they tend to assign more and more work to me. And being the people pleaser that I am (some may disagree with that ...), I do everything I can to make sure it gets done, gets done right, and gets done fast. Which perpetuates more work.

So what's a girl to do?

Ah well, as much as it may sound like I'm complaining, I love the non-stop pace, the feeling of responsibility and ownership, the potential and opportunity ... I just hope A) I can take a step back once we have kids, B) I'm not to blame when things go wrong that are out of my control, and C) The pace doesn't continue to increase this steadily. It can stop growing anytime now. Really!

A non-crazy day? Can it be?

2007-08-30T19:43:00.000-05:00

This week has been an absolute whirlwind. I cannot believe it's already Thursday. And it's Labor Day weekend to boot - where has the year gone? But what was cool about today was that I didn't get non-stop emails and I decided to leave work at 5 for a change (what a novel concept). So by the time I got home, I had a little time to unwind before going to babysit my niece. What a relaxing evening that turned out to be (no sarcasm there - I mean it!!!)

Madelyn ran to the door when she saw me coming, saying "Katy, Katy, Katy, Katy" the whole way, and hugged my leg with a big smile on her face as soon as I got in the door. She sang every word to "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" for me - and in tune too! Then we watched Clifford (truly, very relaxing), read some books and she went to sleep at 7:30 without so much as a peep. What a change of pace this day was compared to the past several. Thanks God! I needed this.

Ding Dong ...

2007-08-25T14:40:00.000-05:00

... the mouse is dead. Thank you Jason! :)

Saturday

2007-08-11T17:56:00.001-05:00

Well, I did something today that I vowed I would never do. I went into work on a weekend. (This better not be the start of a trend!) I'm scheduled to be in meetings from 8 to 5 for the next two weeks straight, and am somehow expected to still get my regular job done. So for the sake of my own mental sanity, I wanted to at least start out the week all caught up. Two hours completely alone in the office really helps with efficiency. I got a lot done and I feel better now about next week.

When I got home, I mowed the lawn, and ewwwwwwwwwww! I saw a mouse! It was teeny-tiny, but it freaked me out anyway. Everytime I pushed the mower near the fence where it was cowering, goose bumps appeared on my legs despite the horrendous heat. Needless to say, there are some zig-zag patterns in the lawn from my delicate maneuvering to avoid any potential contact with the mouse. (Sorry J, my fear of random creatures supercedes my desire to have a well-manicured lawn).

Economics Joke

2007-08-07T18:48:00.000-05:00

For some reason, this story popped into my head just now from when we were candidating for Jason's job in California. After the senior pastor found out that I was an economics major (so was his son), he asked, "What's the difference between an economics major and a pepperoni pizza?"

I shrugged my shoulders and waited for the punchline. "The pizza can feed a family of four."

Ouch.

So true.

What a Cutie

2007-08-05T20:19:00.001-05:00

When my mom went to get my niece after her nap in the Pack-n-Play, which was right next to the dresser in my mom's bedroom, Maddy was wide awake under a blanket and said, "I put on Grandma's socks." There was a pair lying next to her on the floor, so my mom figured that was the pair she'd tried on and discarded. Then she removed the blanket and found this:

New Car!

2007-07-30T21:52:00.001-05:00

We did it! We bought our first ever brand spankin' new car. It's a 2007 Nissan Altima, "dark slate" in color. The purchasing process took forever, but wow does it feel good! Ok, and a little scary. But more good than scary. Plus we got a decent trade in for Jason's old Bonneville which had 179,000 miles on it, can you believe that? Hooray!

General Update

2007-07-28T13:04:00.001-05:00

We saw Spiderman 3 last night at the Budget Cinema. It was alright, although I felt like there were too many storylines going on and that they all lasted just a bit too long. But for $2, I can't complain.

Work's going well. As with any job, there are days that I dread and that are no fun at all, but there are still days where I enjoy what I'm doing and who I'm working with, so that's a good sign. I even don't mind going in early and staying late anymore, since that means I'm busy and the days fly by. Plus it's not like I have kids to come home to, and Jason's usually working even later than me. I just wish this massive database system conversion project would be done and over with, as it is quite time consuming.

Jason's car keeps klunking out on us, so we're debating what would be better - to keep fixing it, or buy a new (used) one. We don't really want a car payment; it's been quite a while since we've had one. But there comes a time where you just have to bite the bullet. Did I use that phrase correctly? Anyway, we'll see. Guess that's all for now!

Scrubs

2007-07-19T21:30:00.000-05:00

This show cracks me up. I've only started watching it in the past year or so, via reruns at 9 and 9:30 when I'm bored. But it's hilarious! A great way to end a long day at work :)

It's Only Monday ...

2007-07-16T19:31:00.000-05:00

Well, one 11 1/2 hour day down ... 4 to go.

At least the day was over before I even realized it. It's always nice when time flies at work, as long as the nights and weekends decide to take their sweet ol' time.

What's cool about where I work is that it's in the middle of Bishop's Woods, and even though it's RIGHT next to the highway, there are still many deer that make their home there. Tonight, the only other person in the building aside from the cleaning crew came into my office and said, "Oh good, you're here. Follow me." So I went to her window office and just outside was a mama deer with a baby deer by her side. She was nuzzling her neck and licking her to clean her off. It was so cute.

Oh, and we just got this new coffee machine at work where we have like 25 choices of flavored coffee, capuccino, and other treats (I saw a Milky Way flavor I think I have to try) ... and it's free! This is quite the perk considering they took away our Friday doughnuts :)

Confidence

2007-07-14T09:57:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how much confidence you gain in your life just through age and experience. I was so shy and insecure growing up, softball being the one thing in my life that sort of brought me out of my shell. Even when I could be perceived as being remotely outgoing, or social, or confident ... truth be told, it was all a front. It wasn't so much that I wasn't outgoing, etc. ... it's that I didn't really WANT to be and yet I felt like I was always being judged for it.

Now, I really feel like I've overcome a lot of that. I'm still not overly confident with many aspects of who I am, but for the most part, I'm content and not nearly as insecure as I used to be - I am who I am, and I like myself :) If I want to stay at home on a Friday night and do nothing, I'm truly OK with that (whereas in high school, I worried how that would make me look). And if I eat dinner all alone at a fast food restaurant or go shopping by myself, who cares? (whereas in high school, I would have been embarrassed to be seen alone in those venues). Besides that, now I actually want to be more outgoing a lot of the time, so part of my problems from growing up are a "moot" point.

Especially at work, this new-found confidence really makes a difference. People depend on me to do significant things, and because I have some confidence in my abilities, I actually deliver! It feels great. Although next week I'm a bit scared because the two ladies in my department who do what I do are both on vacation and we have a bunch of renewals and new Agreements ready to get processed. I hope some of it can wait a week until they return, because nothing brings my confidence crashing down like messing up on an account that's not even my own and having the sales person chew me out over the phone.

Happy Baby

2007-06-10T17:54:00.001-05:00

In high school, this kid's gonna get voted "most contagious laugh"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

Florida!

2007-05-24T19:39:00.000-05:00

Jason and I just got back from vacationing in Orlando. We went to Epcot, MGM, and three different beaches in all. Very warm, beautiful, fun, relaxing ... just what the doctor ordered. Here are some pictures from our trip.

Backwards Things

2007-05-04T17:09:00.000-05:00

Does it cost more to make cherry or strawberry flavored Jolly Ranchers, Starbursts, gummy bears, etc. than it costs to make lemon, lime, or orange? Then why all the lemons, people? Everybody likes red flavors better than yellow. Can't we find a way to work this out?

My car starts just fine for me all through winter, and as soon as it starts to warm up, I usually have to turn the key in the ignition a couple of times before it will start. Is this not backwards? Am I doing something wrong?

Walking, Softball, and Memories

2007-04-29T11:41:00.000-05:00

I love walking through our neighborhood, especially on days like today. People are out taking care of their lawn, kids are out playing, the smell of a charcoal grill is in the air. I love it. I even walked past a fast-pitch softball game going on at the park across the street and I was drawn to it like I never thought I would be. Except for the fact that softball brings back such wonderful memories of my dad, I never thought I'd be interested in taking it up again. Yet as I watched, I wanted nothing more than to be on that mound throwing curves and change-ups. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if I'd pursued softball in college. I know I wouldn't have met Jason, or at least not in the same way, because if I'd become part of a college softball team, I'm sure I wouldn't have transferred to UWM after one year. I don't regret not pursuing it, but sometimes I feel bad about how much time and money my parents spent on my softball "career" growing up and then I just quit after my senior year of high school.

Anyway ......... back to my walks. Since there are so many people out and about lately with this weather, I've noticed lots of people that have one characteristic or another that reminds me of my dad. And it's so weird, because although I often think of memories with my dad from the past, I rarely picture him as if he's physically here in front of me today. So seeing these people and imagining that it's my dad right here is so ... amazing to think about ... and strange, too ...
(Picture taken from http://pubpages.unh.edu/~agreene/assign4-2.html)

Interruptions

2007-04-28T08:57:00.000-05:00

Lately I've noticed that I've become the type of person who interrupts people when they're talking. I don't mean to do it, I just ... somehow ... do. That's terrible! That's the kind of thing you're supposed to get better at as you age, not the other way around. I used to be much quieter in general (whether others were talking or not), so maybe I'm making up for lost time (ha!), but I'm not sure why this has suddenly become acceptable to me. Sorry to those whose words I've carelessly talked over.

On a brighter note, Jason and I are going to Orlando soon! Our 5-year anniversary is in June, so we wanted to take a vacation to celebrate and we landed on Florida. Too bad it's not smack dab in the middle of winter so we can enjoy a break from the cold, but at least it's off-peak season so it shouldn't be too crowded. I'm so excited!!! Yay :)

Quotes on Prayer

2007-04-24T22:01:00.000-05:00

Sadly, I'm still reading the same book on Prayer that I began months ago. Came across this the other night and it really resonated with me. Yancey says when communicating with God, "Forget past failures, forget recurring sins, forget feelings of inferiority, and instead open your mind to God, who cannot fill what has not been emptied."

--How often do I turn to prayer when there are a million things on my mind, and those things are still there after I say Amen?--

Yancey also quoted Herbert McCabe regarding "distractions" during prayer: "This is nearly always due to praying for something you do not really much want; you just think it would be proper and respectable and "religious" to want it ... And so your prayer is rapidly invaded by distractions arising from what you really do want - promotion at work, say ... When you are praying for what you really want you will not be distracted. People on sinking ships do not complain of distractions during their prayer."

Huh ... Quite interesting, I must say ...

WHAT'S UP WITH JURY DUTY

2007-04-08T16:33:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm all about doing my civic duty and I understand it is a privilege in this country to participate in democratic institutions such as this. But c'mon already. I've been summoned for the THIRD time and I just turned 27! What are the chances? I was summoned when I was 20, then again when I was 25 (this time in California, where we lived for just one year - one year, and I somehow get picked), and now again a mere two years later. It's just a hassle to deal with getting off work, going downtown amidst all this construction, finding (and paying for) parking or else figuring out the whole bus system, and not knowing how long a given trial will take assuming I'm selected. I actually don't mind being a juror, but I think it's time to give some other people a chance to be good citizens ...

Crazy week, beautiful days!

2007-03-28T18:17:00.000-05:00

I reallllly love being outside when it's nice out. I went for several walks over the weekend, a motorcycle ride with Jason, and helped my mom move into her condo. She did her first set of moving on Monday, which was a day I took off work - and OH what a beautiful day it was! Having that day off was a blessing for sooo many reasons ...

... But then I had to go back into work on Tuesday, and BAM! I was hit with a truckload of work to do. Which is all fine and dandy because it makes my days fly by, but occasionally I prefer to come across to others in my office as though I have everything together. These past two days did not make my case for me. My head was in a million places. I got phone call after visitor after meeting after interruption after "rush" request after stacks and stacks of proofing ... not to mention it's month-end, plus I just have a lot on my mind in general .......... But alas, I've gotten no complaints, so I must be doing something right! If only the 70-degree days would come back. It just made everything seem OK :) :) :)

Negativity

2007-03-15T19:43:00.000-05:00

I realize that I can be a fairly negative person at times, and I'm usually (sadly) OK with that. But lately, I just feel icky from my negativity and that of those around me. It's like I can actually feel negative energy attacking me somehow, and I don't like it. I need some positive influences! And I'm certainly not getting that at work! I guess I could strive to BE one of those positive influences at work, huh? :) :( :) :(

an anti-winter plea

2007-03-10T14:17:00.001-06:00

Welcome back, Spring! Oh how I've missed you. Please, please stay ...

Why!!!

2007-03-08T20:09:00.000-06:00

I'm so frustrated about something at work right now. Words cannot convey how frustrated, annoyed, stressed, etc. I am about it. Actually, my mom would beg to differ that I can't put it into words, as she just listened to me vent/ramble about it for a good half an hour. What a gal :) I don't know how I don't have high blood pressure with the way I obsess over things like this. My dad (and siblings, for that matter) was/are really quite laid back and calm about things. Not sure where I got my high-strungness from. Guess I need to learn to just chill! I know I have such an amazing life, so no real reason to get my undies in a bundle.

Speaking of amazing ... my mom sold her house and will be moving to a condo in Greendale next month. How exciting! I'm happy for her. Good-bye Oak Creek house ... I hope your new family is good to you ...

Transitions

2007-02-22T18:10:00.000-06:00

My mom has decided to sell her house. It's the only house I really remember; we moved there when I was 3, I believe. I'm happy for her and hopeful she'll find a place that more suits her needs and lifestyle. But it will be really weird never walking into that house again, not having Thanksgivings at "home" anymore, and not pulling into the familiar driveway when I want to stop by and visit.

Jason and I lucked out in this transition by "inheriting" her piano, the one I grew up playing. We have a nice little area in our living room where it fits pretty well. It sort of makes the place seem more home-y to me, for some reason. I like it.

passwords

2007-02-17T15:31:00.000-06:00

It's crazy how many passwords we are expected to remember these days! I have one to get into my computer at work, one to get into the operating system that houses our database software, one for my work voicemail, one for my cell phone voicemail if calling from a different phone, one for my personal email, one for my blog, one for my debit card, and luckily Jason takes care of our online bills because banks, credit cards, and other companies all (obviously) require passwords as well.

But what really throws a wrench into things is that my two computer-related passwords at work expire at varying intervals, so I can't keep them linked as I would like AND the rules are that the first six characters must contain at least three of the following: number, symbol, capital letter, small letter AND it can't be the same password as the last three passwords I've used. So when your passwords expire every 90 days ... Yikes! That's a lot to remember.

"Prayer"

2007-02-17T13:33:00.000-06:00

I'm reading the Philip Yancey book on Prayer ("Does It Make Any Difference?"), and the following story struck me. Here is a paraphrase of it from chapter 7:

A hospice patient was in the last stages of cancer and feeling guilty becuase he'd spent the previous night ranting, raving and swearing at God. The following morning he felt horrible and asked to see the chaplain. He imagined that his chance of eternal life had now been lost forever, and that God would never forgive one who had cursed and abused him. The chaplain asked the patient, "What do you think is the opposite of love?" The man replied, "Hate."

The wise chaplain replied, "No, the opposite of love is indifference. You have not been indifferent to God, or you would never have spent the night talking to him, honestly telling him what was in your heart and mind. Do you know the Christian word that describes what you have been doing? The word is 'prayer.' You have spent the night praying."

This story made me wonder if I'm more apt to talk to God no matter what I'm feeling, or ignore him completely. I think too often, I avoid praying for whatever reason (lack of anything meaningful to say, lack of time, lack of belief, distractions, etc.) and I don't even realize that that is the ultimate slap in the face to God. All he wants is for us to carve a little time out of our day for our Creator, and so often I can't (won't) even give him that.

ugh

2007-02-07T18:24:00.000-06:00

Today at work was one of those days that made me wish I played the lottery ... and had really, really good luck. I began imagining what it would be like not to HAVE to work full time. Sometimes I think it would be boring, but I know that I would use my time to volunteer more, write more, help babysit, get in shape, keep the house clean, the laundry done, and have homecooked food on the table. All without the stress of a fulltime job. The work itself isn't hard - I rather like keeping busy with the day-to-day tasks I'm given. It's dealing with incompetence and rudeness that I can't stand. As I've said before, as the "good" people slowly dwindle away or are stuck in meetings all stinkin' day so I can't interact with them anymore, the appeal of my job begins to fade.

Afrin to the rescue ... again

2007-02-04T00:29:00.000-06:00

I just got over yet another cold. Do I have no immune system whatsoever? Why do I keep getting sick? Here are my theories:

1) allergic to something in our new house (but what? and what to do about it?)

2) a result of stress from work (I've been putting in a lot of overtime since my promotion - although I have my own office now which is pretty sweet :))

3) I haven't exercised in ... oh ... a year or two. Ok, ok, I walk and bike-ride in the summers and do occasional "abs of steel" workouts throughout the year ... But I haven't been to an actual gym since California. I hear sloth's not so good for your health.

4) I'm kind of a kid when it comes to fruits and veggies - I just don't love 'em, and I'd much rather snack on carbs, ice cream, and baked goods :) I did just buy some multi-vitamins though, so I'll be testing the "you need to get your vitamins" theory shortly.

5) greater exposure to kids once a week at Elmbrook's jr. high group. This theory was suggested to me, but I think it's a weak one. I don't feel I get close enough to any of them long enough to really extract their germs.

If anyone has any other theories, the knowledge of which could result in fewer future sicknesses, I'd be happy to lend an ear.

Oldness

2007-01-22T21:27:00.000-06:00

Lately, I feel old. For so long, I felt like I pretty much looked, felt, and acted like a steady, youthful 20-something female. I was the "young one" at work, I exercised regularly, and I could still relate to students (i.e. jr. high thru college). After all, it was only a couple years ago that one of the students in the jr. high group in California asked me if I was in 8th grade! Ah, sweet memories ...

But lately ... I don't know. I feel like I look old and tired and worn out (which is probably because I haven't been sleeping well lately). And to make matters worse, several months ago I found a grey hair on my head -- a grey hair, people!! And I don't even have kids yet! So I guess this is just a pointless, rambling post, except to say that I'm not ready to get old. I'm not ready for wrinkles and sags and grey hairs and that old-person signature chuckle. So what's a 26 year old girl to do to prevent the onset of early aging? I'm voting for more sleep :)

"Make It Look Pretty"

2007-01-19T17:30:00.000-06:00

I'm starting to learn what I do and do not like in a job, and one of the things that makes me cringe most is when someone at work gives me a document and says "Make this look pretty." I'd much rather be the person to calculate the figures, do the research, deduce the outcome ... than to be the person to make the graphs and spreadsheets presentable. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE formatting Excel spreadsheets (using formulas and subtotals, merging cells, adding headers and footers), working with tables and other fun stuff in Word, and the like. But to make it "pretty," especially in PowerPoint, ... just not my thing. Besides, my insecurities force me to provide the requestor with at least a couple of versions of the document because I don't trust my judgment on what "pretty" means in the business world. Luckily, this type of request is just a minimal part of my job!

Wow, this was right on

2007-01-13T12:51:00.000-06:00

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Is it weird?

2007-01-11T19:12:00.000-06:00

On the counter near the coffee pots in my office, on any given day you can find anything from homebaked goods to an open bag of chips to random coupons that people place there. And I have to say ... just about everything gets eaten or taken within hours, even with our diminishing staff. But recently, someone put a bottle of Escape perfume in the ladies bathroom with "Help Yourself" written on the cap. Seriously? We're sharing community perfume now? Is it just me, or is this stretching the concept of office goodies just a bit?

Promotion!

2007-01-07T12:49:00.000-06:00

Well, it's official ... I've been promoted to "Team Leader" of the R&A (Research and Analytical) Operations department of my company. I'm excited that I've been recognized as the most likely person to fill my old supervisor's shoes, but I'm not sure what all this new position is going to entail, as we are going through MAJOR changes right now and have been for some time. Maybe with my new position, I'll be kept more in the loop of the changes than in the past. But whatever the case, I think this is a good move for me and I hope I am able to rise to the challenge ...

ah yes

2007-01-05T23:18:00.000-06:00

You know when you're sick and you make all sorts of promises to yourself and/or God about how you'll treat your body right from now on and do whatever it takes to avoid feeling like crap again in the future? Ah yes, how quickly we forget ... It was my supervisor's last day today, so we had a luncheon at work ... and then went out to Jose's Blue Sombrero afterwards ... and naturally spicy Mexican food makes me want something sweet, so I had ice cream when I got home. Wow, my stomach is asking my body, "Don't you remember just a week ago when you felt so queasy you threw up? Are you trying to relive that nightmare?" Ok, it's really not that bad. But I probably consumed at least a few hundred calories more than I needed.

Side note: We just rented Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and recognized the beach in a few of the scenes as the beach we went to in Guadalupe, CA (just outside of Santa Maria). We'd heard they had filmed a POTC sequel there, but it's pretty neat to actually see it in action!

SICK!

2006-12-27T15:44:00.000-06:00

I've had one sickly season. Over the past few months, I've had 2 colds, one really bad sore throat, and now the flu (note to self: next time your company offers free flu shots, GET ONE). This sucks big time. Actually, I'm almost over it. But throwing up from 9:30 pm Christmas night until 3 am the next morning was NOT my idea of fun. Truly a miserable experience. Maybe it's time for me to buy some vitamins, yes?

tis the season

2006-12-23T20:29:00.000-06:00

What is Christmas supposed to "feel" like? I hear a lot of people say, and have even said myself, that it just doesn't feel like Christmas. I guess when I was a kid, Christmas felt magical and exciting, with the gifts and lights and food and parties. Even though all of that still happens, it's just not the same as when we were younger. Besides, none of that is what Christmas is all about, so when we as adults say it doesn't "feel" like Christmas, what exactly does that mean? It's Jesus' birthday. How should that make us feel?

"The Only Thing Constant is Change"

2006-12-16T13:09:00.000-06:00

Did I butcher that quote? In any case, it seems to be the theme in our office these past few months (and even earlier). Our workforce has been greatly reduced, almost all of middle and upper management is brand new, and no one account is handled exactly the same as the next in the name of "improvement." It's frustrating and disheartening, but with change comes the possibility of something better on the other side.

Right now, we're in the middle of extreme uncertainty as we venture into new areas of our business with tough competition suddenly encroaching in on a market we used to dominate. Is it worth sticking out the rough transitions to see what may develop down the road? There's really no way to know. One of my favorite and closest coworkers (and supervisor) just put in her notice and I cried when I found out. I've always said that one of the main things I like about my job is the people I work with directly, and that factor is slowly being eliminated. If the trend continues, what does that leave me with? That said, I don't feel nearly as hopeless about the situation as I thought I would, and I'd like to adopt an "I can rise to the challenge" attitude in the face of all this change. Here's hoping ...

Holidays

2006-12-11T12:36:00.000-06:00

We finally got a Christmas tree yesterday (yes a Christmas tree, not a HOLIDAY tree -- that's a subject for another day) and decorated the house with all our Christmas decorations, candles, etc. That atmosphere really does help me get into the "Christmas spirit." This Christmas will be different for us in a couple ways. First of all, Jason and I went to IKEA on Friday and bought each other all our Christmas gifts there. It was great! We got a bunch of stuff for the house for a very nice price, but that means no presents under our tree on Christmas Day. Also, my brother will be home for Christmas for the first time in years. He lives in Taiwan and usually gets home during the Chinese New Year at the end of January, but somehow he managed to pull off a Christmas break this year which is cool. Plus, it's our first Christmas in our new house, so that's fun. We didn't get lights on the outside of our house this year because of our schedules and the weather (should've cashed in on the warm Thanksgiving weekend!), but the inside is beautiful and hopefully next year we'll be more outwardly festive :)

Merry Christmas, friends!
I love this picture of my niece:

Taste

2006-12-07T12:40:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how essential the sense of taste/smell is to the enjoyment of life. I've had a cold for over a week now (I don't know why I can't get over it - it's really annoying) ... but only recently have I lost the ability to taste my food. So there was cake at work today and I took a piece - loaded with frosting, just like I like it ... and lo and behold, I had to imagine what it tastes like. What fun is consuming calories if you can't even taste them?! It makes me appreciate that I normally have all five functioning senses. And it makes me realize that perhaps I put a little too much value on food in my life ...

Quick story about that ... when my dad had cancer and couldn't stomach much food, my sister and I wanted to do something for him to cheer him up. But all the ideas we came up with revolved around food! Taking him out to eat, baking him cookies, buying him his favorite snacks. We did finally create a memory book for him, but man oh man it was hard to find non-food-related pick-me-ups!

Home Sweet Home

2006-11-30T07:27:00.000-06:00

Our house is really starting to feel like a home, and just in time for the holidays :) We still have some pictures to hang and "extra stuff" to find a place for, but overall I'm super excited about living here. Yay!

2nd round of Thanksgiving Celebrations ...

2006-11-25T22:35:00.000-06:00

... and all I can say is "Ugh." And I mean that from the bottom of my gut.

Crying

2006-11-25T22:33:00.000-06:00

It's weird. Whenever I cry (which is, I'm sure, the normal random-girl-crying amount), no matter what the original reason for my outburst, I automatically start thinking of my dad and his memory fuels my tears. It's like I subconsciously associate sadness with his death. It's oddly comforting, because I know at least that he will never be forgotten. Just a strange observation I've noticed of late.

Baking!

2006-11-17T21:42:00.000-06:00

Jason's been gone a ton lately because of his new position, and something I've learned about myself is that I turn to baking when bored or lonely. Before we moved, I hadn't baked any goodies for months (that I can remember), and yet in the past 3 weeks I've made brownies, rice crispy treats, and bars. At this rate, I'll be needing a gym membership in no time. Ah yes, the good ol' days when I made exercising a priority ...

Doubts

2006-11-07T21:49:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel like you're really mediocre at just about everything? Like there's not one area where you really excel, not one thing that you were clearly made to do? Some people have that one talent that stands out above the rest, or that one area of service where they fit right in. For some reason, no matter how many personality tests or career quizzes or ministry surveys I take, I just can't find my niche. Often times I will have these ideas where I think "that's it, that's what I'll do" ... but the next day, my inspiration fades and the idea sounds too out there to actually pursue, and I know it's not the right path for me in the end. Very frustrating. Does anyone feel like they're doing what they were meant to be doing, or do certain people just appear that way on the outside while deep down they struggle with where they fit in?

Nichole Nordeman's my favorite Christian artist and this song seems somewhat fitting with where I'm at right now. It's called Even Then

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake

In the middle of the night

When the expectations are too great

And the bar gets raised too high

So I do the best with what I've got

And hope that no one knows

That I strain to see how high I can

Try to stand on these toes

Until I'm measured, but You know better

(Chorus)

So, thank-You, Jesus

Even when You see us just as we are

Fragile and frail and so far

From who we want to be

So, thank-You, Jesus

Even when the pieces are broken and small

Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind

Thank-You, even then

So I put aside the masquerade

And admit that I am not okay

Which may not be the thing to say

But I'm not ashamed to need You more each day

We raise the standard and try to reach You

But we'll never make it, and we don't need to

Babies

2006-10-28T18:48:00.000-05:00

My neice can say my name now, and for some odd reason it makes me love her all the more. Maddy makes me want to have kids. Random people's kids screaming in the entryway of WalMart ... not so much. That's right, I went shopping today, and stores are just on the outskirts of holiday madness! :)

whirlwind

2006-10-26T20:21:00.000-05:00

This week has been CRAZY! Between Jason's schedule and my own, we've probably seen each other a total of a couple hours this past week (not including the fact that we sleep in the same bed). Tonight - finally - I was so looking forward to being able to sit down and watch Grey's Anatomy on live TV (i.e. not an episode I had taped), and wouldn't you know that it's a rerun?!

Tomorrow I have a "walk through inspection" for our apartment to see if we get all our security deposit back. I spent enough time cleaning that darn place, we better get it all back! Wow, I sound so cynical. Really, it's been a trying week on all fronts. I've cursed in my head this past week more than I have the entire past year.

I just read this article by Nichole Nordeman (hopefully the link below works). I love her writing style, in both music and prose. It's about chaos in our lives and how it is up to us to create the environment we long for. http://www.nicholenordeman.com/article.aspx?id=495094

Bullies

2006-10-18T18:43:00.000-05:00

I saw something very disturbing on my way to work today, something I can honestly say I never saw in real life before. I saw a kid getting beat up at the bus-stop. I'm not talking pushing and shoving ... he was curled up on the ground while three or four other guys (I think one was actually a girl) kicked him in the stomach. His face grimaced in pain and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Cars everywhere just passed by as if everything was normal. Maybe they were on their cell phones to the police (should I have been?), but I made a U-turn as soon as I could and drove past that corner again. This time, they were all standing around, and the boy who had been on the ground was off to the side by himself. I could see the others were saying something to him and he was just ignoring them. I drove past one more time to make sure no more violence would ensue and then I was off to work, deeply disturbed. I didn't know what to do! I certainly didn't know what I would have done had they still been beating him up when I turned back around. They were some big kids, I sure didn't want to get in the middle of it. But it affected me for quite some time afterwards.

I'm purposely taking the same route tomorrow, and if I see it happen again, I think I'm going to call 9-1-1. It's so sad to see people (especially at such a young age; probably 12-14 yrs old) with such anger or self esteem issues that they have to take it out on a weaker kid. I wondered throughout the day how that kid would deal with this phase of his life once he got past it (IF he gets past it). Will he harbor bitterness toward his offenders forever? Will he use it to make him stronger and minister to others who end up in his shoes someday? Will he hate himself for years to come? Will he ever reconcile with those bullies? And do the bullies' parents know how their kids are acting?

It's just sad. I hope I don't see anything tomorrow on that corner. But even if I don't, it won't mean that the problem is solved - it will just mean I was spared from witnessing it that time around. Sorry this is so depressing. On the upside, the reason I took the route to work that I did today was because we finally spent the night at our new house! Very exciting :) My life is so blessed.

Quick Click Review

2006-10-15T22:02:00.000-05:00

Well, we finally moved most of our furniture and other stuff into our house, and will probably only have 2 more nights at the apartment (yippee!). Jason and I were actually just at the house watching the movie Click with my mom. I laughed, I cried ... I really liked it! There were definitely some typical "Adam Sandler movie" moments that I could have done without, but overall I'd say it was one of his better films. I also think the makeup people did a great job aging the various characters. Good stuff! Go see it, if you even remotely liked the previews.

And that concludes my review ... I haven't had much time to write/blog lately. Hopefully soon!

It's Getting There!

2006-10-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

Our freshly painted living room ... And bedroom #2. Don't mind the layout of the pictures. I don't like this website's way of positioning pictures and am too lazy to figure out a better way.

From the top of the mountain

2006-09-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

More pictures, just because :) ... Does anyone know how I can make it so you can click on my pictures and they appear bigger in another window?

Georgia!

2006-09-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

Jason and I flew to Atlanta, GA over the weekend and visited Stone Mountain Park. It was really cool! The weather was great, and there was a lot to see and do. Here are a few pictures from our weekend vacation. Unfortunately, our pictures of the nighttime laser lightshow didn't turn out, but that was really neat to see. Everyone laid their blankets or chairs out on the big lawn which you can see on the first photo below, and the laser show was displayed across the mountain where the carving is. The 2nd picture is of the sky tram we took to the top of the mountain and last is a picture of the mountain and beautiful sun starting to set taken from the "Paddlewheel Riverboat Cruise" we took.

2 years

2006-09-19T22:05:00.000-05:00

I went to my dad's grave with my family today, marking 2 years since he died. It's weird how sad it can be to really think about someone you loved so much and who is gone, because I live my life now without him, and it's just become normal not to have him here. And although he's always in the back of my mind, I usually don't have a clear image of him or dwell on his memory too much. But then there are times like this, when I give a concentrated effort to my dad, and it brings me to tears. I was so looking forward to seeing him interact with his grandkids. I'm just glad that time really does take away some of the sadness. I remember thinking my sadness would never end and would only increase with each passing day, but fortunately it has greatly subsided over the years.

What a Week

2006-09-14T21:24:00.000-05:00

This week has been pretty crazy at work. Yesterday, over 10% of our workforce was downsized - or as our GM says, "right-sized." As the rumors flew, I suddenly thought, "Oh my goodness, what if it's me? We just bought a house!" But fortunately, I was not one of the fatalities. Still, it was an unnerving week. And tomorrow, we close on our house! So at least the week ends on a high note. I'm very excited about this next move in our lives, although it's a bit intimidating at the same time. We went to the Home Depot the other day and I swear we wanted to buy something in every aisle. Yikes! I feel so blessed, though, to be in this position and I can't wait until we're all moved in :)

Autumn

2006-09-11T20:25:00.000-05:00

The fake tree in our living room is lit up, a vanilla-scented candle is burning, and I want to crawl under the covers just a little bit longer every morning from the slight chill in the air.

It is fall, and I love it.

For what purpose?

2006-09-11T17:58:00.000-05:00

I watched the coverage of 9/11 last night, the video that started as two brothers creating a documentary about a rookie firefighter and ended up being firsthand footage of the 9/11 attacks. It brought me to tears, even 5 years later. The amount of lives lost or affected in some way is overwhelming, and for what purpose? What did the attacks accomplish, other than making most Americans really sad or angry? The terrorists were trying to prove a point, but I think we proved an even stronger one - it strengthened our resolve not to let other countries push us around, it united us as a nation, it made us recognize what really matters if even for a few days or weeks or months surrounding the attacks. Not to minimize the magnitude and significance of the lives lost, but the terrorists sort of remind me of the Grinch. They thought they could take away our faith, our courage, our strength as a country by killing a ton of people, and they were wrong. I only hope they will someday learn that life's too short to live it hating and killing.

By the way, this is not a commentary about the U.S.'s actions as a result of the attacks - I'm still not sure how I feel about that whole issue ...

Tips for the anti-social shopper

2006-09-04T18:29:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a lot of shopping lately for house-related things - no actual purchasing, mind you, just looking around ... Anyway, I don't know if it's because I'm not ready to make a big purchase yet, if it's because there are way too many sales people in the stores over Labor Day Weekend for their special sales, or if it's just because I have some anti-social habits, but there's something about furniture store shopping that bugs me. As soon as I walk into a furniture or appliance store, I seem to get clobbered by salesmen greeting me with a plastered-on smile. Now, I know it's their job to help out, and the more they can help me find, the more money they can potentially make. But sometimes I just want to wear a sign that says, "Really, I'm just looking! You will be wasting your time on me!" I actually made an entire loop around one store and was about to exit when a sales woman came up to me and said, "Welcome to Lazy Boy, can I help you?" I was like ... um, I'm just looking. And then I proceeded to walk out the door! So for those of you out there who have experienced this before, allow me to give you a few simple tips that have eased my shopping woes ... slightly:

1) Avoid making eye contact at all costs, unless you genuinely want a worker to be stuck on you like glue for your remaining time in the store. In my experience, you can't just ask one question and have them leave you alone after you've shown the slightest of interest.
2) Wear raggedy clothes. One salesman looked at me and said hello, then looked at the holes in my jeans, and walked away. He figured I couldn't possibly be serious about buying a large appliance if I couldn't even afford a new pair of pants. (Side note: 3 seconds after this man walked away, another sales person came up to me and asked if he could help me. People, please!)
3) If you see someone approaching, take your keys out of your purse or pocket as if you are about to leave. They'll either not bother at all, or just say good-bye.

Bad Writing Competition

2006-08-26T08:11:00.000-05:00

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

I found this website for "the worst opening sentences never written" contest. It's pretty funny. Here's my favorite:

"They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn’t taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently."

Songs on TV

2006-08-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

It's interesting how a good soundtrack or theme song can make a TV show more or less appealing. When I told my sister that I liked Crossing Jordan, she said she never wanted to watch that show because the first time she saw it advertised, it was to the song "I'm Only Happy When It Rains." And now that it's time for series premieres, there are a bunch of new shows being advertised that I think are coming off way better than they really will be and are probably going to draw a large first-episode audience, primarily because they have a really moving song or just plain cool music playing in the background. That might sound kind of cynical, but my point really is that for many more reasons than just this one, I think music is quite powerful ...

Ugh

2006-08-21T17:29:00.000-05:00

Work was stressful today.

I did not handle it well.

That is all I have to say about that.

Distribution of riches

2006-08-15T12:23:00.000-05:00

I heard on the Fish this morning that in the United States there are now more "heavy" people than there are "hungry" people. Isn't it sad to think that the amount of extra food we have as a nation, the amount by which we overeat, is more than enough to feed those who don't know whether or not there will be food on the table tonight? Just think, if we all could donate our leftovers or "seconds" to the needy, the whole country could be fed! Now I know it's not plausible to ship a plate of macaroni and cheese to someone, but the concept shows how fallen we are if God has given us enough resources to feed an entire nation and we simply haven't figure out how to appropriately distribute those resources. Of course, I am just as guilty as the next person of taking what I have for granted and not going out of my way to help those who need it.

Great News!

2006-08-13T20:41:00.000-05:00

Well, after a week of house hunting that felt like a month (it's fun at first, but it's all-consuming), we put an offer in on a house we love on Thursday night. There's a really cool story that goes along with how things turned out the way they did, but it's way too long and confusing for a blog entry ... so suffice it to say, God totally worked out the timing of our situation and our offer was accepted the very next day despite the fact that there were 2 other offers on this house already! How cool is that?!?! Assuming the home inspection goes OK, Jason and I will officially own our first home!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's in a cute little neighborhood just north of Wilson Park on Milwaukee's south side. We should close sometime in September.

Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :)

Stuff

2006-07-31T12:49:00.000-05:00

I am such a wimp when it comes to being sick. I had a cold all weekend and felt nauseas this morning, and all I wanted to do was crawl back in bed for the rest of the day, but laying down made my nose get stuffy. How sad am I? It's a cold, suck it up, right? I hope I never contract a serious illness, because I don't think I'd be much of a fighter! I don't know how my dad coped with chemo for as long as he did without throwing in the towel. How miserable he must have been always feeling sick to his stomach, always tired, food never sounding good, and all the while the rest of the world buzzed on around him.

Anyway, on to brighter things ... my brother was in town from Taiwan for the past couple of weeks. We spent a lot of time together including a quick trip to my grandpa's in Minnesota. My g-pa is 90 and still taking care of himself, which is amazing. Jason and I are slowly starting a search for a house, but it's discouraging because houses - at least houses in what we consider to be "decent" areas - are so expensive! Who knows what will happen or when, but I'm trying not to stress about it. Life's too short for that.

Tummy

2006-07-19T20:12:00.000-05:00

Well, I've done the "Abs of Steel" DVD enough now that I can do the routine without watching the video. Hmm, too bad I still don't have abs of steel, huh? Think it's because I skip the entire push-up section of the workout? Or maybe the fact that I just ate four, yes four, chocolate chip cookies? My life is such a contradiction. After a bikeride, I come home and eat a hot fudge sundae. After a day at work of staring at a computer screen, I come home and check my email, write in my blog and other computer-related stuff. Kinda funny!

Big Fat Ugly Day

2006-07-18T22:13:00.000-05:00

So I messed something up at work today, and it made me feel like a moron, because my job isn't rocket science. 'Course it could be, because it's just about that hard to explain to someone what I do. But anyway, this thing I messed up upset me a lot because I feel like it made me look really bad, and it contributed to what became an all-around BAD day! Grrrrrrrr ...... Why can't I let things go? I stayed late to make things right, and this guy I work with was like, "Stop worrying about it. Who cares. We all mess up. Nobody cares" but I still cried on the way home. Here's hoping tomorrow will be better! Man, I was just thanking God in a prayer this morning about how much I like my job and the people I work with ... guess this was bound to happen, had to humble me a bit and realize things don't always go the way we'd like.

Ah, the smell of bug spray ...

2006-07-03T22:09:00.000-05:00

Jason and I went camping near Devil's Lake this past weekend. Can I just say that nothing tests your marriage like putting up a tent together for the first time in hot and humid conditions? Ok, ok, it really wasn't that bad :)

Devil's Lake State Park is soooo beautiful! And fun to hike through. I really enjoyed our time there, and although we probably won't tent it again anytime soon, we both loved the scenery and exercise!

"Firsts"

2006-06-22T21:54:00.000-05:00

Jason and I got new bikes this summer and went on our first ride together tonight. Fun fun! Well, except for when we took a detour off the main bike trail and ended up knee-high in a field of weeds. Yeah ... that wasn't so fun.

I'm donating blood on Saturday for the first time. I'm a bit nervous but also excited. My dad had blood transfusions at different times throughout his illness, and the thought of helping someone else out in the same way makes me happy.

Jason and I will soon be going camping together for the first time! We've eached camped separately before, but I have never shared a tent with my husband and I am quite looking forward to it.

And last but not least, in a couple weeks for my mom's birthday, my mom, my sister and I are all getting pedicures. We've never done it before, so I hope we enjoy :)

Ordinary

2006-06-14T07:22:00.000-05:00

I love this song by Train. I don't know what it's overall intended meaning is, but I love listening to it, and lately the title has really resonated with me. Sometimes I feel so ordinary and forgettable in this great big world, and who I want to be does not always equal who I am or how people perceive me. I don't think the source of my security (i.e. who or what helps me overcome my insecurities) is properly aligned right now. I care too much about what others think of me.

Whose eyes am I behind?
I don't recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design?
I don't want this to be the way that you see me

I don't understand anything anymore
And this web that I'm tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up to get to your story
It's anything but ordinary

infomercials

2006-06-03T14:49:00.000-05:00

I admit it, I enjoy watching infomercials. My favorites are the Magic Bullet and Turbo Jam. I've never actually bought anything from TV before, but I enjoy watching these "amazing" products and inventions transform basic ingredients into delicious meals, dirty surfaces into sparkling clean ones, or flabby bodies into toned ones. There's something very satisfying about seeing such a transformation, even if it's all a ploy.

I have a problem, I know I do.

(Picture taken from www.buythebullet.com)

Edit - Undo

2006-06-01T21:16:00.000-05:00

My coworkers and I were talking today about how nice it would be to have the "edit-undo" feature (used in Microsoft products) apply to other areas in our lives. Wouldn't it be great if we could just "undo" saying something we shouldn't have said? Or doing something that made you feel really stupid? Or even ... "Oh man, I shouldn't have ordered this chicken marsala. Edit-undo ... now I want the chicken parmesan instead."

Too bad life doesn't work that way :)

office etiquette

2006-05-19T12:50:00.000-05:00

So you're at work and you pass a coworker in the hallway and you do the "Smile and say Hi" thing. Then you see them again less than an hour later (sometimes several times throughout the day). What do you do?

a.) Smile and say Hi ... again
b.) Say something witty about bumping into each other again (though these "witty" comments often provoke fake laughter followed by an awkward silence)
c.) Put your head down and smile, letting them know you see them but are not interested in further small talk
d.) Pretend you don't see them.

This seems to happen to me a lot. I usually just slightly smile upon repeated hallway appearances. It's when you see them from halfway down the hall that it's really awkward because you have an entire stretch of hallway to build up the appropriate response!

Hey, think I analyze things too much? :)

idol gripes

2006-05-16T21:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm a nerd and I watch American Idol (though I've never voted), and I would like to take a moment to voice my general complaints about the show. My list is light-hearted and brief, although you must forgive my cynicism - it comes a bit too naturally at times:

1.) Why can't people, especially judges, have a negative opinion about a song without being boo'ed? I know Simon can be a bit overly critical at times, but he's entitled to his opinion and half the time he's right, so let the guy finish his speech and move the show along already.

2.) Taylor, I think you're a great performer, I really do ... but if you chant "Soul Patrol" like you're an A-D-D third grader ONE more time, I swear ........

3.) Paula, you're a sweet lady, but I think you have the same syndrome I have at times ... you can't think two words ahead of what you're saying, so it all comes out in a jumble. But I have to say, you look better at 40-something (?) than I do at 26! :(

4.) To the producers: PLEASE ban "I Believe I Can Fly" from the playlist. FOREVER.

Thank you, that is all.

Incoherent

2006-05-08T17:34:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those days where I felt like everything I said was completely incoherent. Does anyone ever have days like that? I participated in a conference call where I felt my words added nothing of value. Every time I tried to tell a story to someone today, I would get halfway through and realize it was not going in the direction I had intended ... but I was halfway through after all, so I had to finish the rest and only hope my gracious coworkers' faces wouldn't show their confusion and boredom, thereby creating an even more uncomfortable situation for me. As I spoke, I would think, "How can I end this story to salvage what little purpose I had in speaking in the first place?"

I wish I would think more before I speak. Sometimes I do, but then there are times ... out comes the jibberish and there is no turning back. And the more you try to clarify what you've said or explain why it was confusing, the more confused the listening party becomes. It's a vicious cycle. Know what I mean?

Yeah, I didn't think so :)

living my beliefs

2006-05-01T21:08:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big fan of random quotes, yet I can't help but share a few excerpts from the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. They're so simple in theory, yet so hard in practice. They make me remember that life is more than the daily grind and really good dessert, although both have their place :)

"What I believe is not what I say I believe; what I believe is what I do."

"Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe."

"If I live what I believe, then I don't believe very many noble things. My life testifies that the first thing I believe is that I am the most important person in the world. My life testifies to this because I care more about my food and shelter and happiness than about anybody else. I am learning to believe better things ... I am learning not to be passionate about empty things, but to cultivate passion for justice, grace, truth, and communicate the idea that Jesus likes people and even loves them."

If you want to read these quotes in their context, I highly recommend picking up the book. I'm only halfway through, but it's a genuinely interesting and enjoyable read.

"Fair"

2006-04-24T17:21:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been suffering from a "fairness" complex. For some reason, even though I've heard the phrase "Life's not fair" several times before, my mind can't compute why things in life are so unevenly distributed. Sadly, it doesn't so much stem from seeing all the poverty in the world, the homelessness, disease, death, etc. as it does from recently learning how much money the executives at my company make. It's a rediculously large sum, and I ask myself ... do they deserve it? Do they work harder than me? Will I ever find a break like that?

How sad and selfish am I to ask these questions when I am soooooooooo fortunate in all aspects of my life? I think materialism and pride are sins that totally lurk beneath the surface of most human hearts. I honestly didn't think either of them had much of a hold on me, but lately I've been proving myself wrong. I am completely and totally happy with where I'm at. My life is absolutely wonderful. I don't feel like I'm missing a thing, which I'm sure is more than a lot of millionaires can say ... So why do I feel like it's "unfair" for someone to make millions of dollars, even get paid for attending meetings, when I work hard, attend meetings for free (thank you very much) and do a good job yet make considerably less? I don't know the answer. But I'm reallllly working on not caring! :)

Interesting Quote

2006-04-20T22:12:00.000-05:00

For the times we think we're "better" than other people or other countries:

"It is hard for us to admit we have a sin nature because we live in this system of checks and balances. If we get caught, we will be punished. But that doesn't make us good people; it only makes us subdued. Just think about the Congress and Senate and even the president. The genius of the American system is not freedom; the genius of the American system is checks and balances. Nobody gets all the power. Everybody is watching everybody else. It is as if the founding fathers knew, intrinsically, that the soul of man, unwatched, is perverse."

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

Blank

2006-04-12T21:37:00.000-05:00

Throughout the day, a thought often comes my way and I think, "That would be a great idea for a blog" ... and sometimes, I start to formulate the beginning of a blog entry in my head as a result of something I saw or something someone said to me, and I tell myself to come back to it later when I have a chance to flesh it out on the computer.

But then I forget. And by the end of the day, my brain is fried and my thoughts are lost and my blog is empty. So here are some tidbits from "my life lately" ...

Crazy stuff going on at work (again) ... always keeping me on my toes, but I'm enjoying the various aspects of my position for the most part.

Prison Break and 24 are amazingly intriguing. I wonder if people are really as quick on their feet as Jack Bauer or Michael Scofield in those life-and-death situations?

Howie Mandel from Deal or No Deal drives me crazy whenever I watch that show. He could fit 3 times as many contestants into each episode if he would just get on with it already!

Easter's on its way. What does it mean to you? For me, it's all about the bunny. Ok, not really ... Despite my complaints, my imperfections, the way I'm so easily annoyed, my inability to love people no matter what, my inability to stand up for my convictions at times, etc etc etc, Jesus gave his life so that I don't have to get the eternal punishment I deserve. In light of that, does Hallmark's latest promotion - a big white stuffed rabbit that sings "Rockin' Robin" - seem just a wee bit rediculous to anyone else? Sorry Hallmark, I'm just not a fan.

soapbox

2006-03-31T22:22:00.000-06:00

I like a good courtroom drama or police investigation show as much as the next person (believe me, I'm hooked on several), but has anyone else noticed that nearly every TV show these days, sometimes every single episode of a series, contains a storyline that revolves around a cheating spouse? Not only is it demoralizing to see every couple on television struggling with infidelity, it's also becoming a really worn-out plot. As soon as a victim's spouse is introduced on one of these shows, I now immediately start suspecting them of killing their husband or wife in order to cover up some affair they've been having. It's becoming quite predictable and rather annoying. TV writers - even though adultery is probably becoming more common in real life these days, I think portraying a monogomous relationship would be somewhat refreshing.

Ok, I am done now :)

Softball

2006-03-27T18:42:00.000-06:00

I just found out that Dan, my old softball coach, died. I'm pretty sure he was under 50, and he was still very active in the "softball community." It made me really sad to hear, especially since we used to be so close and yet I haven't seen him in probably 7 years (except at a restaurant a couple years ago, oddly enough).

What makes it all the sadder that we lost touch is that he used to come to our house and give me and my sister free pitching lessons, since we were his star pitchers and part of his start-up team called the Queen of Diamonds (which my mom actually named, if I remember correctly). Dan would sit in our back yard watching us pitch and helping us perfect our curve balls and change-ups as my dad took a break from his shop and caught for us, with our backyard shed as the backdrop for wild pitches. Dan often mentioned that when he died, he hoped to be buried - or have his ashes buried - in our backyard, because that is where he was the happiest. It was his little escape from the rest of the world as we enjoyed the summer weather and spent a couple days a week just enjoying throwing the softball around.

awww

2006-03-25T08:34:00.000-06:00

What is it about a baby waving good-bye that is so darn cute? And what is it about making a baby smile that makes you feel so good inside?

TV and Me

2006-03-25T08:23:00.000-06:00

The way I view my favorite TV shows (Prison Break, 24) can be loosely compared to how I used to feel about a brand new relationship or crush. I look forward to seeing them every week, and it often is the highlight of my day to see them - sometimes I'm downright giddy! Throughout the week, I often think about what the next episode might be like and relive in my head the highlights of the previous week's events. I talk to other people about my shows like they're an important part of my life. I'm on the edge of my seat as I watch, soaking in the details of each scene. And if there is a long lull between episodes, I am sad at first but eventually move on to another show to satisfy my longings and desires.

Ok, ok ... I stretched the analogy a bit ... but TV is addicting, plain and simple!

Tutoring woes

2006-03-14T21:30:00.000-06:00

My regular third grade girl wasn't at the tutoring session tonight, so they paired me up with a kindergarten boy. It wasn't good, folks. Not good at all. All I could think was, God bless kindergarten teachers.

We started out fine. Then suddenly he decided he didn't want to talk to me. For about 15 minutes, I asked him questions about sports, offered to play games, gave him options of worksheets, books, and puzzles ... he literally wouldn't say a word to me. Then he spoke realllllllll quietly, and after asking him to repeat himself about 7 times, I finally made out, "I want my other tutor" and "this is boring." When I said that his other tutor wasn't there, the tears started. Tutors and students in the room looked my way. What was I to do? I asked what his other tutor did that I could do to make it more fun, but he wouldn't answer. Finally, he decided we should play Uno Attack, and for the last 10 minutes we took turns pushing the button until cards flew out at us, at which time he said, "If I'm real good can I get a prize?" uh ........ riiiiiiiight, if you play a game really well for 5 minutes after an hour of anguish, I'll reward you. BUT, fearing another onset of tears, I compromised and promised him a sticker if he finished the night well.

After I dropped him off in the gym and he ran away (with a "Far Out" sticker proudly plastered on his T-shirt), I caught his eye across the room and waved good bye so he knew I was leaving. Then he ran over to me with a big smile and gave me a hug. "See you later!" he said happily.

Um ... did I miss something here?

2006-03-12T20:10:00.000-06:00

Is it possible to watch an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition without crying?

Laughing

2006-03-08T20:34:00.000-06:00

You know those people who are always smiling whenever you see them, and they radiate joy and peace just by their happy demeanor? Or you know those people who laugh so easily at even the dumbest joke or comment you say without it sounding fake or forced? I wish I was like that. For some reason I'm unable to effectively "fake" laugh. You may ask why on earth you would ever want to "fake" laugh anyway ... well, there are plenty of times when someone says something funny, just not funny enough that I laugh out loud ... and then there's an awkward silence after their joke and I feel bad. But it just sounds so fake when I have to force out a laugh. Sometimes I think even my real laugh sounds fake. But it's so fun hanging out with people who laugh easily and honestly and heartily -- and not at other people's expense, but at good old-fashioned, innocent humor. Somehow, their joy is contagious and it leaves you feeling refreshed and just ... satisfied. Here's to all those people out there who have this amazing gift. Cheers!

Things that make me miss my dad

2006-02-27T19:30:00.000-06:00

Things that make me miss my dad:
-Singing old hymns at church
-Thinking of his future grandchildren and how much he would have loved them; what a proud and awesome grandpa he would have been!
-The smell of a freshly lit cigarette (not the stale, smoky smell that comes later :))
-Flying, especially Northwest Airlines
-Seeing furniture that I know he reupholstered
-Pictures of him I haven't seen for a while
-My wedding video. I'll never forget the brief time we shared sitting in the church lobby waiting to walk down the aisle, and how he calmed my nerves with a smile and a prayer.
-When people ask me about my "parents." It's totally expected, but sometimes I don't know how to answer.
-Sunflower seeds and licorice from Farm & Fleet, his favorite.
-All my softball memories - I have a lot!
-Seeing my grandparents. They are 2 of the strongest people I know and have lived through a lot of tough times without faltering in their faith

I've definitely become more openly emotional since my dad died, and I'm totally ok with that. Although there's a time and place, tears are healing.