Questions After Death

My dad died almost 3 weeks ago, and the phenomenon of ‘death’ is still so unclear to me. I believe that his spirit is still living, so in a sense, this physical death that we all seem to fear and know is inevitably going to happen to us, is not really a death at all, but rather a transition from this life into the next. And that next life is so unknown and such uncharted territory that it’s scary to think about. Death of a loved one is the catalyst that puts my faith and spiritual beliefs to the test, so to speak, in my own life. Life after death is no longer something that’s “out there” and something to be dealt with in the distant future. It’s happening right now to my very own father, and that’s got me thinking about so many different aspects of what we are doing here on earth, what it’s like to take your very last earthly breath, and what it’s like to take your very first heavenly one.

I don’t know if my dad can see me right now, although it’s comforting to think that he can see and hear me since I miss him and talk to him a lot. But if he can see me, does he see everything like God does? And if he can’t see me, does he remember his earthly life, family, etc., or is that all part of the imperfect past that he no longer needs to be concerned with? If that’s the case, when we are reunited in heaven someday, will we recognize each other? Will we have any memories of our lives here on earth? Sometimes I think, “Don’t take those memories away from me! I want to remember certain successes and happy times, and even some failures that I know made me a better person or that I had fun trying at anyway.” But then I think – what difference does it make? God has said that heaven will be perfect and painless and beyond what we could ask or imagine. So why does it matter whether or not I’ll remember the past or recognize anyone there? I can't begin to imagine what's in store for us, so why should my idea of heaven be bound by my earthly standards and limitations?

Maybe we won’t have any earthly memories of our families, but we will just know that we are meant to be loving each other and we will feel just as happy and gratified and loved as during the most precious memory we have. My earthly mind can’t fathom the way we might feel once we see each other again. Probably, we will be so distracted by God’s eternal glory and love and grace and acceptance that nothing else will matter. But my humanness still hopes that I will have my family unit in heaven, recognize my faithful friends, and be more outgoing and genuine than ever before on earth.

One last random thought:

Humans make so many mistakes in life and bad things happen to us all the time, but so often those mistakes or misfortunes are able to be “undone” or fixed or forgotten. Not so with death. It’s final; there is no undoing of death. It’s so weird to think that there's nothing I can do about it. I don’t want to have to wait until I die (or Jesus comes) to see my dad again. It seems like that’s too far away (even though it might not be long at all). I can hardly imagine what that reunion will be like, when I see my dad again in such a different light and environment. Any temporary “reunion” or “homecoming” here on earth produces such joy and relief and excitement … will that be how heaven is, to an infinite degree, forever?