Doubts

Do you ever feel like you're really mediocre at just about everything? Like there's not one area where you really excel, not one thing that you were clearly made to do? Some people have that one talent that stands out above the rest, or that one area of service where they fit right in. For some reason, no matter how many personality tests or career quizzes or ministry surveys I take, I just can't find my niche. Often times I will have these ideas where I think "that's it, that's what I'll do" ... but the next day, my inspiration fades and the idea sounds too out there to actually pursue, and I know it's not the right path for me in the end. Very frustrating. Does anyone feel like they're doing what they were meant to be doing, or do certain people just appear that way on the outside while deep down they struggle with where they fit in?

Nichole Nordeman's my favorite Christian artist and this song seems somewhat fitting with where I'm at right now. It's called Even Then

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake

In the middle of the night

When the expectations are too great

And the bar gets raised too high

So I do the best with what I've got

And hope that no one knows

That I strain to see how high I can

Try to stand on these toes

Until I'm measured, but You know better

-

(Chorus)

So, thank-You, Jesus

Even when You see us just as we are

Fragile and frail and so far

From who we want to be

So, thank-You, Jesus

Even when the pieces are broken and small

Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind

Thank-You, even then

-

So I put aside the masquerade

And admit that I am not okay

Which may not be the thing to say

But I'm not ashamed to need You more each day

-

We raise the standard and try to reach You

But we'll never make it, and we don't need to