what to do, what to do

I'm really antsy about my life right now. My job, my future ... I think the main thing on my mind is the mentoring program that starts tonight at the Rescue Mission that I've signed up to participate in. I wanted to get involved in some sort of ministry or church-related function, as I haven't since we moved back to Wisconsin; we're not in a small group, not jointly involved in any particular ministry. I suggested joining a church volleyball league, and got us to the "please confirm you're coming" stage of a small group, but J in particular is involved in a lot of stuff right now (school, work, a new ministry opportunity), so schedules just aren't working out right. So I decided I might have to go it alone for once by volunteering for something that appealed to me (hence the mentoring/tutoring program). I prefer to serve alongside Jason - call it my comfort zone, blame my shyness, blame the overwhelming size of our church (I have small-church roots that I wouldn't mind returning to). In any case, orientation at the mission is tonight. And I'm nervous.

Aside from that, my company's performance evaluations are coming up soon and I have no idea what my goals are. Specifically, where do I want to be in 2 years? I don't know. Does anyone? Even if I knew what my ideal job was, it's doubtful that scenario would exist. I know I have to just relinquish this anxiety and let God handle the "stuff" in my life ... but I have this strong desire to know where my life is headed. Will we have a house in the next couple of years? Start a family? Will I become salary and have to work 60 hours a week?

Lots to think about. So much, in fact, that I sometimes prefer to just shut off my brain and click on the mind-numbing TV.