Confidence

It's amazing how much confidence you gain in your life just through age and experience. I was so shy and insecure growing up, softball being the one thing in my life that sort of brought me out of my shell. Even when I could be perceived as being remotely outgoing, or social, or confident ... truth be told, it was all a front. It wasn't so much that I wasn't outgoing, etc. ... it's that I didn't really WANT to be and yet I felt like I was always being judged for it.

Now, I really feel like I've overcome a lot of that. I'm still not overly confident with many aspects of who I am, but for the most part, I'm content and not nearly as insecure as I used to be - I am who I am, and I like myself :) If I want to stay at home on a Friday night and do nothing, I'm truly OK with that (whereas in high school, I worried how that would make me look). And if I eat dinner all alone at a fast food restaurant or go shopping by myself, who cares? (whereas in high school, I would have been embarrassed to be seen alone in those venues). Besides that, now I actually want to be more outgoing a lot of the time, so part of my problems from growing up are a "moot" point.

Especially at work, this new-found confidence really makes a difference. People depend on me to do significant things, and because I have some confidence in my abilities, I actually deliver! It feels great. Although next week I'm a bit scared because the two ladies in my department who do what I do are both on vacation and we have a bunch of renewals and new Agreements ready to get processed. I hope some of it can wait a week until they return, because nothing brings my confidence crashing down like messing up on an account that's not even my own and having the sales person chew me out over the phone.