A New Meaning

I'm not saying I understand why God brought us out to California, uprooting our lives in the process, relocating over 2,000 miles away from friends and families, and leaving a dying father behind for an 8 month stint where we didn't "fit in" ... but I would like to share with any of you who still read my sporatic blog posts that I have found a meaning from all of this. And that is this:

For once in my life, I feel like I've touched people's lives. For once, I feel like maybe my life is about more than just me and how I feel and what makes me happy. There have been a number of jr. high girls and their parents that have come up to me in weeks past (both before and after the news got out) and expressed their sincere appreciation for how I've connected with their daughters, how I've truly ministered to them and how much they are going to miss us when we go (Jason has received similar comments for his part in the guys' lives), and I have to say, that makes me feel pretty good and worthwhile. I hope not in a proud way, because any good that has come out of the small groups we've led and connections we've made has totally been a God thing, but I think He's allowing me to reap the "good feeling" reward from it at least. And I certainly have grown a heart for ministry like never before.

I will openly admit that I didn't feel very useful, effective, or positive about my role at my previous church, even though I'm probably being hard on myself ... and as a result, I began questioning my role in youth ministry as a whole and I worried about how I would do as a potential lifelong youth pastor's wife. But God has used this California experience, short as it's been, to turn my attitude and feelings around for the better. I know full well that with ministry comes negative experiences, feelings of inadequacy, and doubts. But the relationships you build, the lives you can literally see change in front of your eyes, and the positive comments the students and parents make (my primary "love language" is words of affirmation can you tell? :)) , really make the negative aspects worthwhile. After all, life isn't about ME and it isn't about trying to please the world or trying to make the world please me -- It's about God, and seeing people grow in their relationship with Him as a result of just being there for them, telling them about my experiences, making them feel welcome at church so they continue to come and hear the Word being taught ... that's priceless!

It's interesting to think that everyone I come into contact with either has a positive or negative influence on me -- there is no neutral influence. And likewise, I influence everyone I come into contact with either for the good or bad. So making sure my influence on others is always positive is definitely something worth aspiring to.

The End :)