Home Sweet Home

Our house is really starting to feel like a home, and just in time for the holidays :) We still have some pictures to hang and "extra stuff" to find a place for, but overall I'm super excited about living here. Yay!

2nd round of Thanksgiving Celebrations ...

... and all I can say is "Ugh." And I mean that from the bottom of my gut.

Crying

It's weird. Whenever I cry (which is, I'm sure, the normal random-girl-crying amount), no matter what the original reason for my outburst, I automatically start thinking of my dad and his memory fuels my tears. It's like I subconsciously associate sadness with his death. It's oddly comforting, because I know at least that he will never be forgotten. Just a strange observation I've noticed of late.

Baking!

Jason's been gone a ton lately because of his new position, and something I've learned about myself is that I turn to baking when bored or lonely. Before we moved, I hadn't baked any goodies for months (that I can remember), and yet in the past 3 weeks I've made brownies, rice crispy treats, and bars. At this rate, I'll be needing a gym membership in no time. Ah yes, the good ol' days when I made exercising a priority ...

Doubts

Do you ever feel like you're really mediocre at just about everything? Like there's not one area where you really excel, not one thing that you were clearly made to do? Some people have that one talent that stands out above the rest, or that one area of service where they fit right in. For some reason, no matter how many personality tests or career quizzes or ministry surveys I take, I just can't find my niche. Often times I will have these ideas where I think "that's it, that's what I'll do" ... but the next day, my inspiration fades and the idea sounds too out there to actually pursue, and I know it's not the right path for me in the end. Very frustrating. Does anyone feel like they're doing what they were meant to be doing, or do certain people just appear that way on the outside while deep down they struggle with where they fit in?

Nichole Nordeman's my favorite Christian artist and this song seems somewhat fitting with where I'm at right now. It's called Even Then

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake

In the middle of the night

When the expectations are too great

And the bar gets raised too high

So I do the best with what I've got

And hope that no one knows

That I strain to see how high I can

Try to stand on these toes

Until I'm measured, but You know better

-

(Chorus)

So, thank-You, Jesus

Even when You see us just as we are

Fragile and frail and so far

From who we want to be

So, thank-You, Jesus

Even when the pieces are broken and small

Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind

Thank-You, even then

-

So I put aside the masquerade

And admit that I am not okay

Which may not be the thing to say

But I'm not ashamed to need You more each day

-

We raise the standard and try to reach You

But we'll never make it, and we don't need to