what to do, what to do

I'm really antsy about my life right now. My job, my future ... I think the main thing on my mind is the mentoring program that starts tonight at the Rescue Mission that I've signed up to participate in. I wanted to get involved in some sort of ministry or church-related function, as I haven't since we moved back to Wisconsin; we're not in a small group, not jointly involved in any particular ministry. I suggested joining a church volleyball league, and got us to the "please confirm you're coming" stage of a small group, but J in particular is involved in a lot of stuff right now (school, work, a new ministry opportunity), so schedules just aren't working out right. So I decided I might have to go it alone for once by volunteering for something that appealed to me (hence the mentoring/tutoring program). I prefer to serve alongside Jason - call it my comfort zone, blame my shyness, blame the overwhelming size of our church (I have small-church roots that I wouldn't mind returning to). In any case, orientation at the mission is tonight. And I'm nervous.

Aside from that, my company's performance evaluations are coming up soon and I have no idea what my goals are. Specifically, where do I want to be in 2 years? I don't know. Does anyone? Even if I knew what my ideal job was, it's doubtful that scenario would exist. I know I have to just relinquish this anxiety and let God handle the "stuff" in my life ... but I have this strong desire to know where my life is headed. Will we have a house in the next couple of years? Start a family? Will I become salary and have to work 60 hours a week?

Lots to think about. So much, in fact, that I sometimes prefer to just shut off my brain and click on the mind-numbing TV.

crazy talk

"24" actually makes me not dread Mondays. It's that good. :)

p.s. That darn quiz I posted made my profile/links disappear (actually, it's at the bottom). What's up with that?

Big head

I admit it. I was so proud of myself at work today that my head started to get big. Lately I've been feeling more valued than just an administrative peon and I have moments where I can actually see myself desiring advancement in the corporate world. This was one of those moments ...

My supervisor and I (who, btw, I trained before leaving the company my first time around) took it upon ourselves to improve the flowchart for a long-term team project we are part of because we all thought the setup of the chart was confusing. We changed the basic flowchart to a "deployment" flowchart and made all sorts of improvements using Visio - even though neither of us had ever used this program before. Boy did we learn quickly! I was so proud of what we accomplished. Besides teaching ourselves to be quite competent with a new program, rarely in my job do I get to see a project from inception to completion - usually my position is just one piece of a bigger puzzle - and this was a chance to do that on a VERY small scale. Now it's just a matter of presenting the changes to our boss (the author of the original document), who was out of the office these past two days. Will she embrace our innovation, or see it as an undermining of authority? Only time will tell ...

But if the outcome is not good, I think my head will shrivel back to its pea-sized state.

yup

I love gameshows. I want to be on one. But not Jeopardy. I would be the poor contestant who ends up with negative dollars. That would be sad.

"Major" quiz

You scored as Engineering. You should be an Engineering major! Philosophy 83% Engineering 83% Journalism 75% English 67% Mathematics 58% Linguistics 58% Psychology 50% Anthropology 25% Sociology 25% Dance 8% Theater 8% Art 8% Chemistry 0% Biology 0% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

Pros and Cons of Corporate

My job feels a lot different than when I worked at the same company pre-California. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that the previously privately-owned company was bought by a very large, international, publicly traded company. I never would have guessed that the atmosphere would change so much as a result of something like that. After all, the actual details of my position are still the same, and even most of my coworkers are the same as when I used to work there. But I've inadvertently gotten into conversations with others at work about this recently, and they have echoed my feelings that things just seem different since the takeover. Some changes are obvious - lots of people are leaving the company for one reason or another and our company name has changed. But others are more subtle ...

PROS:
-Better benefits all around
-Awesome 401K package
-New and improved paid time off schedule
-More advancement opportunities

CONS:
-Some positions are being eliminated
-Performance Evaluations suddenly mean something, and goals need to be achievable and followed up from year to year. I know this should go without saying, but believe me - often evaluations are just a formality. This focus on achieving goals is a good thing, but I'm putting it as a "con" because it kind of scares me!

NOT REALLY SURE HOW I VIEW THIS ISSUE YET:
-When it was a private local company, I felt very comfortable in my position. I knew I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon (i.e. job security +, but also not many opportunities for advancement-). Now, on the other hand, there are tons of new departments and locations to which I could transfer if I wanted. Corporate focuses so much on job advancement and metrics and making a contribution that I feel like I'm being viewed in a different way than before. This can be good and bad ... Here's an example:

When I used to go to meetings, I just showed up with a pen and pad of paper. If I had an idea, great, but if not much was resolved at the meeting, no big deal. But now, I know they are looking for a contribution from me, and so I'm always thinking about what I can offer on the issue at hand. Roles are actually assigned to me above and beyond my standard job description, measurable production is expected of me. And I have to say that this atmosphere is highly motivating for me ... if I know where I want to go within the company ... if I am looking for advancement ... if I want to be "promoted" to a salary-based position and end up working twice as much, resulting in a lower hourly wage (true story - my boss sent me an email at 10:50 pm on Monday night, and now she's traveling on business for the next 3 days). If that is what I have to look forward to, no thank you!

On the other hand, I like being recognized for my efforts. I like it when people are impressed with how I followed through on a situation or prepared myself for the task at hand. So can I have it both ways? Can I clock in and out as an hourly employee but still be highly valued as a top contributor? Well, certainly not in my present position. But any "higher up" position does demand more of my time, my willingness to travel, my ability to work weekends if needed, etc. And because of the "corporate atmosphere," I feel as though if that is not what I'm striving toward, then I'm just ... in the way or something.

Anyway, that bullet point really blew the rest out of the water, huh? ... Guess I just don't know what I want out of a job. I'm happy where I'm at for now, but where does that leave me in the future?

Ostrich

So we went to Charcoal Grill last night (Outback Steakhouse had a 2 hour wait and we wanted to catch a movie afterwards, so we settled for the Grill). I ordered the ostrich burger, since it was supposed to be a very lean cut of meat, and I swore I'd had it before at a different location and liked it just fine. Talk about raunchy! I can't think of one time I've complained in a restaurant, as picky or whiny diners/eaters are one of my pet peeves. And there was nothing wrong with the way the burger was cooked; I simply didn't like the taste. But when the waiter came by halfway through the meal and I'd only eaten 2 bites, I had to tell him why. I literally said, apologetically, "This is really gross." And after that, I believe, I became viewed as one of "those customers." The kind you can never please, who will complain no matter what, who are trying to get something for free. I felt so bad! But he offered to get me a regular burger, so I reluctantly agreed.

By then, my taste buds were completely shot and even the regular burger he later delivered was tainted, I swear. But I kept my mouth shut and chalked it up to a learning experience. And because of my embarassment, I am passing my hard-learned lesson on to those who are reading this - do NOT order the ostrich burger. Ostriches are not meant for eating, people. Even Jason can attest to the fact that something just wasn't right about that burger. I'm not sure how it's remaining on the menu, as that implies people have ordered it and eaten it, a feat I cannot imagine accomplishing.

Ok, enough complaining. Happy New Year one and all! Oh, and "Fun With Dick and Jane" was the movie we saw; it comes highly recommended by me. Funny, endearing, and all around better than I was expecting. I've also recently seen "Chronicles of Narnia," which I also really enjoyed. So ... go see these movies. Or wait until they go to Budget so you don't go broke :)