Crash

We just saw the movie "Crash." Kinda crazy. Very intriguing. It makes me wonder what kind of prejudices I have deep down and how prejudiced people are in general, whether they let their judgment show or not. How true to life was this movie? I have no clue. But probably closer to reality than we'd like to think. It was pretty cool how everyone's life, everyone's story, sort of intermingled whether they knew it or not. And it definitely portrayed the diversity that exists in America, and the seemingly justified intolerance of the language and cultural barriers we can experience at times.

Who's the Loser?

I just watched The Biggest Loser and bawled! How sad am I?! In addition to that show, I'm also hooked on Prison Break. All the other shows I watch (the Apprentice, Crossing Jordan, SVU, and the Office) are not essential to me that I catch, but I watch if I'm home and have nothing else I need to do.

Ok, that's all I have to say. My brain is fried from a day-long meeting. Ah yes, it's great to be working again ... :)

Anxiety

I feel really anxious about something(s) right now, and I don't know why, which only furthers my anxiety in trying to figure out the cause. I hate that feeling! Despite it, life is going really well for me and Jason. We both started new jobs this week, which is great. I wasn't sure whether or not I'd made the right decision by going back to my old company, but after 3 days of work, it feels really right so far. I really like the people I directly work with, the hours, the environment, the job duties (I'm amazed at how much I remember so far) ... I think I'll be a little stressed at the end of each month, but other than that, it appears that I'll be keeping quite busy without being TOO overwhelmed.

Another cool thing for us is that we move into our West Allis apartment next weekend! We'll have our own washer and dryer plus a 1-car garage, which is a must in Wisconsin winters. To furnish our new abode, we just bought some new living room furniture, which was a scary purchase for me because I've never bought new furniture in my life (unless you count my flip & fold ... ha!!) ... My dad reupholstered furniture for a living, so we would always find an old raggedy couch or love seat and have him redo it to make it look like new. It was a MUCH cheaper route! Still, I'm excited to get something new.

Anyway ... this isn't a very eventful post, but I just thought I'd give a quick update on what we've been up to, as it's been a while since I last wrote. Hopefully this anxious feeling will go away; I just can't figure it out! Maybe it's just the newness of working again and all the excitement that accompanies so many changes in one's life. Still, I feel like I'll be restless until I pinpoint what exactly is triggering the anxiety. Hmmmm ....................................

Change of scene

Living "at home" when you're an independent, married adult takes some getting used to. Not so much getting used to having my mom around, because she's great and we're getting along just fine. But the adjustment is felt more so in the duties I have to do around the house. The last time I lived here, after all, I was in college and/or not yet married. My mom did my laundry, I ate whatever she made for my dad and me on any given evening, and we all watched TV together at night unless one of us had somewhere else to be. I would offer to do the dishes or make dessert on occasion, and we took turns using the one computer we had for our family.

Now, I'm finding it strange to go about my business in my mom's kitchen as if it were my own, using her pots and dishes to make a meal, doing laundry in her basement -- I still find myself reaching for quarters as I do so, good ol' apartment living :) -- and just in general, doing everyday tasks to fit in with the way things are established in her household. I couldn't ask for a better situation given our circumstances, but it's just different being an independently functioning person under another's roof. And yes, I know it's sad that I didn't do my own laundry when I was 21 and living at home. Shut up.

Life is Short (but this post is not :))

I haven’t gone to see my dad’s grave yet since the funeral last year, but my mom has on occasion and she told me that right next to my dad’s headstone is hers – they purchased both ahead of time after he’d gotten cancer just to get that expense out of the way. Hers has her name on it and her birth year followed by a blank space, as if someone or something is just waiting for her to die. Or for any of us to die for that matter; it reminds me of one of my favorite worship songs “We are a moment, you are forever. Lord of the ages, God before time.” And it makes me stop and wonder what I’m filling my earthly life with. Playing computer games? Complaining about the weather, about my job, about where we’re going to live? Do any of those things really matter?

It’s kind of cool when you can get just a glimpse of how meaningless so many things on earth really are. For example, I saw an episode of Oprah a long time ago now, and on it was a young woman who had been hit by a drunk driver and left to burn alive in her car. Fortunately, she was rescued just in time, but her face was so disfigured with burns that you wondered how she could see, hear, and talk. It truly didn’t look like a face at all, and it brought tears to my eyes just looking at her. But she said that she only allowed herself to complain (or regret, worry, cry, dwell on her circumstances) for 5 minutes a day. Five stinkin’ minutes?! I have a tremendously blessed life and I complain more than that about any given thing in the course of an hour, even if only in my head. This episode made me cry as I thought about the meaningless things I worry or complain about and spend time on. Appearances, for example. This lady will never be looked at as “normal” again and she had no bad thing to say even to the person who left her to burn in her car. It brought tears to my eyes, and I silently vowed to be less self-focused, less materialistic, less ungrateful.

But why is it that those glimpses of the way things should be, of true gratitude, are just that – glimpses? Why can’t those types of convictions last to the point that we actually change the way we think and live permanently? I think about my dad, and if I live to be the same age as him, then my life is almost half over. What do I want to fill the 2nd half of my life with? Petty worries, complaints, and attempts to make myself feel and look better? How hard is it to put others first, to put life into perspective and see how short it is, and how little time we have to be the person God wants us to be? I know these are deep thoughts for a Monday morning, but I’m currently unemployed and have been thinking about what I’m doing with all my free time. I’m not so sure it’s what God would want me to be doing. Not that I’m committing some terrible sin, but somewhere He said, “If you’re not for me, you’re against me.” Is my complaining, worrying, judging others in my mind, and wasting time in front of the television FOR God? (Answer: Um, no.)

Long Sleeves?

Well this is new! I woke up this morning and put on jeans and a T-shirt like always. Then I walked outside to go to the post office and wham! bam! It was cold! Now Santa Maria isn't the hotbed of California, but it was always 60-75 degrees except occasionally at night when it's cooler. So this crispness is a shock to the system; something I'll have to re-get used to! But finally, I get to use my tub-o-sweaters again :) I did miss seasons, I just wish the winter didn't have to last so darn long.

Update

I just wanted to say a quick 'sorry' to my friends who I haven't called yet since being in town. It's been an exhausting last week, from tackling the DMV to having at least one interview a day, plus figuring out what to unpack for just a month or so and trying to find our next home (most likely another apartment). I do have a couple of promising leads job-wise, and one in particular that I really hope pans out. Once that's figure out, we have to change our cell phone numbers and then we can really figure out where we want to live for the next year or so. We also have to change banks and probably a few other things we haven't thought of yet. Needless to say, moving is a lot of work! But I'm more settled in everyday, so hopefully soon I'll have a social life again :)